Tim Vine Quotes

I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits.

He said,

‘How flexible are you?’ I said,

‘I can’t make it on Tuesdays.’

I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner

it was just gathering dust.

My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape.

That would be a big step forward.

I used to be a baker,

but I couldn’t make enough dough.