10000+ Motivational and Inspiring Quotes About Life, Love & Success

Each person must live their life as a model for others.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask

how big I would get.

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous.

The other day she looked at my calendar

and wanted to know who May was.

I drink too much.

The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

When I played in the sandbox,

the cat kept covering me up.

I met the surgeon general

he offered me a cigarette.

What a dog I got,

his favorite bone is in my arm.

My cousin's gay, he went to London

only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

My marriage is on the rocks again,

yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and

they sent a piece of my finger to my father.

He said he wanted more proof.

My mother never breast fed me,

she told me she only liked me as a friend.

It's tough to stay married.

My wife kisses the dog on the lips,

yet she won't drink from my glass.

When I was born I was so ugly

the doctor slapped my mother.

War

An act of violence whose object is to constrain the enemy,

to accomplish our will.

The time is near at hand which must determine

whether Americans are to be free men or slaves.

I walk on untrodden ground.

There is scarcely any part of my conduct,

which may not hereafter be drawn into precedent.

The basis of our political system is the right of

the people to make and to alter their constitutions of government.

If we desire to avoid insult,

we must be able to repel it;

if we desire to secure peace,

one of the most powerful instruments of our rising prosperity,

it must be known,

that we are at all times ready for War.

Let your heart feel for the afflictions and distress of everyone,

and let your hand give in proportion to your purse.

It is impossible to reason without arriving at a Supreme Being.